I Can't Find Any More Love For You

This..It's a poem about an...ex i suppose you could call him.
He was my first love...Up until 5-6 months ago my only. I loved him so much it hurt.
But, complications...It meant we could never be together. Wasn't our time really anyway...I was terribly immature back then. And i don't mean in the good way. I was seriously bitchy and moany.
But, yeah. I loved him for years...I wrote this last January. Never posted it.I...I will always love him in a way...He's kinda in my life permanently. I have to see him regularly. And everytime i see him, i feel the same...self concouis...butterflies...can't think straight...
But, i've loved him for so long...without anything in return. Well, more or less anything. My love, though it's still there, has died..The fire gone out, but the ash remains. I suppose the fire could be stoked up again one day, but i don't see that happening anytime in the next lifetime. A little bit of me will always love him.I can't help it..The ash is still there, and unlike with a normal fire, i can't sweep it all away.
Back then, i was coping badly with what had been happening in my life. The rape hadn't happened, but so many bad things had.
The whole romance thing...kinda threw me over the ledge.
The whole ordeal with him led me to attempted suicide, and self harm, which has continued for over three years and is still continueing.

So yeah. That's what this poem is about...



JetBlackHeart