I miss you so fucking
It was my suggestion to be friends, and I know it was the right thing to do...
I've gotten to good at hiding my emotions.
I smile on the outside, but in my head...every second of my god awful life...in my head i'm imagining this future, the future i live
for. The future where i won't have to pretend not to care for you. Where every time i see your name, i won't have to remind myself we are just friends...That i have to be careful with what i say...
This is killing me, and it scares me to death to know that if we weren't just being friends at the moment, it would be ten times as painful.
I suppose i have to endure the pain, and get through the torture, before i'm allowed to be happy.
I love and miss you, even though i don't say it often. I miss you every second of every day, with every fiber of my being. I love you...my sweet.
(JetBlackHeartxxx translation: Most people call the person they love, 'my love'. But i call alot of people my love [everyone who watches me] and i call people honey and darling and things. But...'my sweet' is something i have never called anyone. Ever...because it's the name i've wanted to reserve, for the person i want to be with for however long i may grace the earth with my presence. 'My sweet' is the name of the one and only love i ever want to have.)