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fanfics poems by oopsspilledmymusic

Literature - Exceptional Works by NotenSMSK


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Submitted on
October 6, 2012
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I'm going to tell you a story,
A story of a fairy tale gone wrong,
Of broken hearts and shattered dreams,
Of pain that flows into words.

If you are looking for a happy ending,
Turn away now.
If you are searching for an escape from reality,
You will not find it here.

This is the story of a girl.
A young girl,
With an open mind,
Willing to accept anyone into her heart.

Her heart wasn't pure,
Far from.
She had a dangerous past,
But her eyes looked to the future.

Each night,
Before she closed her eyes,
She would look up at the sky,
And search for a miracle.

She needed help,
She needed some one to reach down and help her back up,
From where she had fallen on the ground.
She had held strong.

She couldn't walk,
But she could crawl.
She crawled as far as she could in life,
But she needed someone.

Anyone.

Then one cold May night,
Out of the darkness,
Came a shooting star.
Lighting up the sky.

She whispered out her wish,
The thing she dared to dream of,
Her wish upon a star,
"Let me find some one to love."

And then, to her great surprise,
Some one came.
A simple lad,
With a complex nature.

He would make her smile.
He would make her laugh.
He would make her think,
Maybe her life wasn't so bad.

He had his flaws,
They all do,
She herself,
Has plenty.

They were both writers,
The pen was the tool of their trade,
And their hearts and emotions,
Their inspiration.

Then out of the blue,
He messaged her,
A message which put fear in her heart and happiness in her soul.
I love you.

Such simple words,
But more then she could imagine.
Did she love him?
Or was this another failed dream meant to stay sleeping?

With dawning realisation,
She realised,
With happiness,
That she loved him too.

Life was good,
She spent day after day talking,
Day dream after day dream,
Imagining their time together.

But this was no happy ever after.
As I said at the start,
This is a fairy tale gone wrong,
This is reality.

This boy,
The boy she loved,
As I am sure you can guess,
Did not love her back.

He was desperate,
Just like she had been.
He needed to be loved,
He wanted to be loved.

When the star passed over his head,
That cold May night,
He wished for something similar but quite different.
"I wish some one would love me."

He did not love her,
His words had been empty from the start.
He loved the idea of being in love,
And about having a person love him.

He wanted it so badly.
He wanted to hold a love and be able to hear whisper those words,
The words which seemed forbidden from him.
The words he wished to hear.

The very same words,
She wished to say.
To kiss the one she loved,
and whisper that sacred sentence.

They are alone now.
The girl once more,
Searching for some one to love,
But she's edited her wish now.

The boy sits by his window,
Looking into space,
Looking for some one who will love him.
Some one who he can stand by.

You see children,
Be careful what you wish for.
If you don't wish it right,
You may get your wish.

Wouldn't the world be simpler,
If wishes on a star don't come true?
This is a story,
Of a failed fairy tale.

This is the story,
Of the girl who wished to love,
And the boy who wished to be loved.
And how their lives crashed together and left chaos in their wake.

For love to be true and sincere,
It needs to flow both ways.
But if one persons feelings are empty,
Brought to life by wanting those feelings too much...

Well,
Get ready for catastrophe.
True love is a dangerous potion.
Rarely brewed right.

You've heard my tale,
Of woe and sorrow.
Of a girl with a shattered heart,
And a boy with shattered dreams.

So next time,
It's late on a cold May night,
And a shooting star passes over head,
Be careful what you wish for.

Just in case my next story is about you.
I don't know where this came from, or why it is written the way it is. All i know, is that girl in the story is me.

:icondonotuseplz::iconmyartplz:

JetBlackHeart
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:iconnotensmsk:
This work wsa breath taking. Let me go per acpect. The title was grasping. I couldn't help but add this to my folder of critique works because I knew that with you writing on a title like this, it would be wonderful.

Sad... but wonderful.

The start was simple and expressive yet the tone that you took up was quite... not only original than most, but narrative in an eerie way. Usually such starts are for works that have a happy ending. This didn't even start happy. It is realistic as you stated... this is about you. You didn't portray yourself as either perfect or extremely wonderful. You portrayed yourself as a simple person who justed wanted someone to love.

The tale of the boy coming was expected... well obviously since it is a fairy tale in real life it had to be a boy and not a frog please ignore my sense of humor, I am sorry if it offends you. But then you uncovered his wish. That was truly a unique and wonderful moment. I enjoyed how you worded his wish, how you did not portray him as "wrong" but the reader feels the bo's selfishness hard.

The ending... was sad. But the last line, and the little advice given to children was haunting and beautiful to read. A classical work which is quite emotional yet well portrayed.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconsilvershadowpheonix:
This is a beautiful narrative. Many love stories in today's world appear to have the same elements. One wishes to love while another wishes to be loved. Many see this as no big deal since both are "in love", but as this story shows what type of love involved is important. To love and to be loved are two different things.
This story gives a personal story a fairy tale touch. It does break your heart to read how both involved have been broken further because of the miswording of a wish. One must be truly careful of what they wish for.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconqueencreeper13:
queencreeper13 Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014  Student General Artist
I'm sorry if you're heart got shattered by some boy. My heart IS getting shattered by a boy, nowadays... But I can't get my mind off of him.
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:iconjetblackheartxxx:
JetBlackHeartxxx Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Student Writer
I'm sorry to hear that!! I know the feeling unfortunately, but unlike you it's entirely my fault I feel this way!

This poem on the other hand, although inspired by a person I was involved with it was a long time ago, and he is only remembered with fond memories now. I hope you're okay. if you need me my notes always have enough room for another <3
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:iconqueencreeper13:
queencreeper13 Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Student General Artist
Thanks...
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:iconwildfangwolf:
WildFangWolf Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No...
My words were not empty.
I meant every "I love you" I spoke to you.
Every one that I wrote to you.
Backed up by my heart and soul.

And now I know...
What it's like to have a piece of your heart ripped out...
What it's like to have a missing piece of yourself found then lost...

But Sophia...
I speak these three words with more honesty than anyone has ever spoken them.
I love you.
Reply
:iconfukato22:
Fukato22 Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2012
This story is amazing. As it was said on the beggining: This isn't a escape from reality. On the contrary, it gives more insight about real and true love. Love or to be loved... Some people prefer to choose only one of these, unaware that the two must coexist to exist love. A lonely and weak person would desire to be loved, while the messiah's desire is to love people. Is God's love a true love? I believe that loving without need of return isn't love.

Selfless love is something that doesn't exist. Love is the desire to be close AND have someone dear close to them. To desire a whole human being to be your own...That's the epithomy of selfishness. I don't believe that god loves us.
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:iconjetblackheartxxx:
JetBlackHeartxxx Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Student Writer
I'm going to take that as you like the poem xD
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:iconfukato22:
Fukato22 Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2013
Why thank you, my friend!
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:iconjetblackheartxxx:
JetBlackHeartxxx Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student Writer
I'm so confused. xD
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:icontrolol32:
trolol32 Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012
Damn, I'm sorry. This is truly talented poetry
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:iconjetblackheartxxx:
JetBlackHeartxxx Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012  Student Writer
Not particularly
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