Hello my loves
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan do I suck.
I love the fact that I'm still getting watches and favourites though. I haven't posted any work in AGES but damn people still favourite my stuff that's a great feeling.
Unfortunately my life has gone down hill a bit. I was off the internet for three weeks as per doctors instructions, I was only allowed back on last thursday. My depression gotten alot worse but I'm fighting through. I've also been diagnosed with something much worse that's been a shock on me. Turns out, I have schizophrenia. I don't know how to quite explain it to you, if you don't know what it means. Some of it's symptoms include hallucinations, delusions, disorganized thinking and speech, easily losing train of thought, social withdrawal, loss of motivation and judgement, having difficulty making emotional connections, paranioa, severe depression, anxiety, difficulties with long term memory and attention.
I know alot of that doesn't really sound like me, but that's because as my doctor said I have perfected tricking people into thinking I was okay. He was actually rather astounded and shocked that I hadn't been diagnosed previously on the many times my father sent me to them. If you look back at my journals they seem more or less followable, they make sense and have a few topics in each one. But you should see me write one, my jesus. I have to keep clicking up and down the page so I can add in bits. I start writing about one things and then think of another and swap further down the page or back up to where that topic is. I'm not happy to admit it but for about 3 years of my life my father had to literally force me to shower. I do have delusions, lets face it my judgement on some of the things I've done is not good. I'm paranoid all the time, I've known about my depression for years, I can never remember things and my attention span is something to be desired. It also explains my occasional and random outbursts of anger and my violent actions at times. Hopefully now that I know what it is I can learn how to live with it. There isn't really a way to cure schizophrenia.
On a happier note, I got into the college I wanted to, and I start this Thursday
I know alot of you aren't from Britian, but at the end of our highschool years at the age of 16 we do these exams called GCSE's that determine whether we get into college and I got 4 A's 6 B's and a C :3 Which is well above average, especially since most people only come out with 9 GCSE's or less and I am coming out with 11 ^^ I'm going to be studying English Language, Psychology, Sociology and Art & Design. So hopefully I should have drawings and shizznizz to show you all soon.
I hope you're all doing GREAT :') If any of you want to speak to me more, since I seem to be so little on here, I have contact things on my profile to facebook. If you want to add me go ahead, just send me a message at the same time telling me what your DA username is so I know who you are, or you won't be added
Love you all!!
Sphinx (AKA JetBlackHeartxxx)
R.I.P Charlotte Mary-Anne Hazel 01/01/1997 - 06/12/12